What does it take to be an uber supermodel, these days? Aside from manic smizing and an inflated ego, it's important to understand what moves take ordinary modeling to extraordinary measures.

First: Have a NO friend policy, step on everyone, whatever it takes…do it. Everytime one of your peons dies, look in the mirror oh so famously and ask: Do you really want to be on top?

Second: Philanthropy, every model has a cause…saving babies in Africa, NYU scholarships that don't exist, looney girls with boyfriends that you can provide.

Third: Publicity, Publicity…Photoshop. If it ain't broke, touch it up, if it is, fix it!

Fourth: Crack, plenty of crazy crack. If you aren't smoking it, you should be. Crack. Coffee. Champagne. Cigarettes. = Model Diet

Fifth: Whore yourself into the Ivy League without an Associates, Certificate…or dare I say Bachelors. Hey! Graduate school takes less time, giving you more time to promote yourself and there are more educated people to use there.

Sixth: Find the ugliest people in the world to be on your show, as long as they don't have your beautiful resources or regimen. Ask them if they want to be you, make them compete over being you, then ephiphimise a way for only you to win and for them to fall off, forfeiting their identity, college years and likeness.

Finally: Confront the one model who was there before you about being "Mean" to you, when in all actually, she could smell your empty, vapid, sick ass a mile away DAY ONE!

How's that for a puzzle piece?