It has been said before, but at the risk of sounding cliché, like your mother, or a broken record—you must learn to love yourself before you can ever love another in a healthy way.

As women, we spend a lot of time focusing on romance and relationships.  We enjoy chatter about men, dating and white picket fences. Turn down the volume on this channel, and tune into YOU.

I invite you to devote more energy to the most important relationship of all—the one you have with yourself.

With all that life throws at us, at times it’s all too easy to lose ourselves, to forget who we are, and all the things that shape each one of us as individuals.
Take a moment to ask yourself, “What exactly makes me, me?”  “What is it that creates who I am, at the very core of my soul?”

At times, we may be so eager to form a romantic relationship, or to make an existing romance work, that we forget to be our own best friend.  Ladies, you must always advocate for yourself.  If you don’t, no one else will either.  In order for any relationship to be satisfying:  you must know who you are, what your needs are, and how much you are willing to compromise without compromising.

Life’s ups and downs bring us all a little bit closer to our authentic selves.

It is not news, but as wonderful as it can be, life will also challenge you and hurt you.  Sometimes our experiences leave lasting impressions on us that may alter us in ways both good, and bad.  Lousy relationships, poor decision-making, and inevitable suffering all seem to be menaces to happiness, yet act as amazing teachers in the process.  When you are faced with an obstacle, you learn a lot about yourself.

On that note, ladies, do not look to a relationship to save you. A relationship with another is not a one-way ticket to happiness. However, a strong relationship with yourself, is. It is unhealthy to rely on other people to bring you happiness; happiness starts with you!

Never question your worth. Never base your worth on the opinions of others.  You are you, and there is no one else in the world quite like you; how awesome is that?

Remember, every experience is an opportunity for growth—an opportunity to grow closer to who you are and the person you want to be.  Self-acceptance and self-love are the starting points for all other relationships to thrive.  If you believe in yourself, and love who you are, you will meet challenges with much more ease.  You will also spend a lot less time worrying about what other people think.

Most of you read this column because you are seeking advice on a guy, and of course we wish to help you with that! However, it is important for all of you to realize that the guy is somewhat of a bonus.  Don’t chase him!  Just when you are all cozy with you—wrapped up in your wonderful life with your fabulous self—that’s when he comes.  How could a man not be attracted to such a strong, confident, happy woman?

Give yourself permission to shine from the inside, out.

What is it that makes your heart flutter? What is it that makes you feel great—makes you look at your reflection in the mirror and say “You go girl!”  Find your life’s passion and surrender yourself to it, whatever it may be.  Keep yourself busy with the things that you enjoy doing, and surround yourself with people who appreciate and love who you are!

In Sex & The City, Carrie bestows some wisdom, “Later that day I got to thinking about relationships.  There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere expected, and those that bring you back.  But the most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself, and if you can find someone to love the you that you love—well, that’s just fabulous.”

I could not have said it better myself.

You are fantastic… now go set the world on fire!