Tiger Tiger Woods y’all! This dude is a total gem. Like, every woman’s dream man type of guy. Like, knight in shining armor type of good. What gal wouldn’t want a guy like Tiger? A guy who will surely cheat on her constantly, and with strippers no less. Cause if you’re gonna cheat, do it with a stripper, and if you are going to get caught, at least you didn't give her an STD, or at least not one without a cure!
But anyways, we all know the story. Back in 2009, it was revealed that Tiger cheated on Elin with a ton of chicks…did we say a ton of big mouthed bitches. He would still be in matrimonial bliss had the first snitch not yelped. Wasn't there one that couldn't get a measly $200 for her years worth of deodorant or something? Anywho, when Elin found out, she smashed the back window of his Cadillac (supposedly) with a golf club, and bust him with the club as well, and then filed for divorce. Running through a pure bankroll of a measly $110 million and she’s now rebuilding a $12 million estate in Florida so she can live in her dream home and world…without Tiger but with his money, obviously.
But that’s not the end of this fairytale. According to the National Enquirer, Tiger proposed to Elin this past Christmas. He even got down on his knee and presented her with a ring. A ring?! For a proposal?! Get out!
Instead of going total lesbo and taking all of her friends shopping in laughter or just giving him the finger and telling him to fuck off, Elin might be considering reconciliation–but not without a cost. Drumroll, there’s a small detail I forgot to mention—he’s offering her a $200 million pre-nuptual agreement. So if they get divorced, she gets to add that to the fat pile of cash she’s already got. Score, how's that for come-back-cash. But Elin’s no idiot, so she countered back with a $350 million anti-cheating clause. And Tiger accepted! Nothing says we’ll be together forever like promising to pay your soon to be former ex-wife more than half of your total net worth should you decide to sleep with another stripper, or freak-a-little-some on the side, you're covered.
This guy is really all about the romance…and we fell for it too, cha ching! A milli, A millionaire, I'm a Young Money Millionaire, Elin's Tougher than…Elin, we're dancing to the same tune. Now Tiger may be bumpin and grindin to another Wayne hit, and fucking every girl in the world, at least it's the same old genre. Pimping and hoeing…Verdad?