Comedian Louis C.K. once said, “Women are messed up, and guys mess stuff up.” Thanks to an unrelenting media that constantly tells women they must adhere to unattainable standards of beauty or perform 100 acts of community service to get a man, it is no wonder that the female psyche is a spaghetti junction of over-analysis and emotion. At least this is what we men folk tend to think.
On the flip side, guys mess stuff up. From boys to men, no pun intended, we play with things, we break them, and then we try to fix what we have broken – cars, appliances, empires, the economy, governments, and tragically, female hearts and committed relationships.
Cheating is the ultimate “mess up” for men. Infidelity not only defiles your commitment to the relationship, but it calls into question other areas of veracity. If he can lay with other women and lie to your face, then was he entirely truthful to you about his career, friendships, money, and where he spends his time?
Why is it that a man can have a near-perfect chrysanthemum at home and still feel the need to pollinate cheap dandelions? While each man’s motivation for spreading his seed is unique, here are a few reasons why men cheat.
Reverse Asset Appreciation
To men, a woman’s greatest asset is looks. Sure, she may have a wonderful personality, but you can’t see that in the picture messages you sent to your boys bragging about your new catch. Yes, shallow we are. To juxtapose, a man’s greatest assets are his literal assets – wealth and property. While women take many facets into a man’s overall attractiveness, his wealth and property are perhaps the biggest indicators of power, protection, and the ability to provide for a family, i.e. the things women look for in relationships. However, men’s assets appreciate much later than those of women. From age 18 to 28 a beautiful woman is approached by guys as often as daily. Thus, women are much more likely to be faithful relationship partners because from early adulthood women have seen what most men can offer. However, men are rarely overwhelmed with attention from women, and this typically only happens when a man’s career and wealth are in order. Imagine being a 35 year-old man who just got his dream sports car and checking account with a six figure balance. With the newfound attention from women, now he thinks it is time to play the field and see what he has been missing, whereas women have already known what options are available a decade sooner. Don’t hate the player; hate the game.
I know what you are thinking; “Porn is equally available to men and women, so why does it make men cheat more?” Simple biology, my friend. Men are naturally driven to sex exponentially more than women. In the great words of Dave Chappelle, “If men could have sex in a cardboard box, then we wouldn’t buy a house.” Our thinking is hypersexual enough sans stimulation. Thus, access to millions of free videos of women performing whatever sexual acts come to mind (and some we didn’t even know existed) only intensifies our desire for sex. Additionally, porn motivates men to live out whatever turns them on. If his woman is not willing to do a particular sex act, the man can find it in pornography. When time the man is given the chance to actually live out said fantasy with another woman, the exciting graduation from the digital world to reality takes over. Goodbye logic and hello infidelity. Pardon the lack of scientific research behind this theory, but I dare you to refute it. That goes for you too, Bill Nye the Science Guy.
No Sexual Alternatives
No one bats an eye at female sex toys. Some people even believe that a woman’s greatest source of pleasure comes from herself. Men, on the other hand, are left with nothing. Nothing! Or, “male sex toys”, which I say with trepidation, are very awkward and unflattering. Nothing says “I’m plotting to destroy humanity!” like a bug-eyed, blow-up sex doll and a rubber vagina. Laugh now, but in all seriousness, men have no alternatives remotely close to sex with a woman. Conversely, female sex toys have the power to deliver full-body orgasms in minutes. No wonder it’s so easy for women to boast of celibacy when you have more orgasms on call than a hospital does orderlies! As for male alternatives, there are none but other women to cure our urges. Now when the girlfriend is out of town, cheating to get his rocks off doesn’t sound so bad. If you have a better idea for male sex alternatives then congratulations, you will save millions of relationships and become a millionaire in the process.
Do I still have it?
“I swear if I wasn’t married I would have all the girls!” We all know a guy or two or five who says this. The worst part is that guys who say this really believe it. Despite only having been with two women prior to marrying his now wife of five years, John really thinks he is a caged bird whose song would attract other women. In reality, if John did not have the ladies lining up at the door prior to marriage, there is a good chance that women are not anxiously waiting to get in his VIP booth. Yet, John needs to know that he still has it. John needs other women to validate his attractiveness and ability to compete with other men in the dating world. Thus, infidelity for guys like John is not just about physical pleasure, but rather a means to an end. John needs to know that if he were not in a committed relationship he would still fare well with the ladies and take his place atop Pride Rock. Don’t be like John. There is no need to wonder if you still have “it” when you are blessed to have her.
Some guys just love being with different women. No punch line there.
There is no definitive reason as to why men cheat. Ladies, just know that if you are the victim of infidelity it is not your fault. Tis the doing of this cold world of hormones and illogic that men succumb to. As for the fellas out there, be strong! Fall not to temptation. Don’t give up your bottle of champagne at home for a shot of tequila. Sure, the other woman may be exciting for the moment, but cheating is rarely worth what you have to lose. Now that’s the beat of a drum we can all march to.
Written by C. Charles Carson — C. Charles Carson is a third year law student at the University of Miami School of law. He also completed his Master’s in Multimedia Writing and Production in 2013. He aspires to be a US Congressman and media personality.