With Valentines Day around the corner (great), some of you might feel the need to invest in some lingerie for the occasion. While most normal people would go for something flirty yet still trashy, adorned intimates from Victoria’s Secret. This year, forget the super padded push-up bra that would make you the envy of every fourteen year old girl. They serve as great bullet proofed boobie vests, but if your date isn’t armed, padded is so insecure these days. Grab your cupcake tities and red racy lacies, and throw caution to the wind.

This year, maybe you want lingerie that’s a little more non-traditional and hard-core to spice up the night. Well, lucky you, the geniuses at Diesel have just the right thing for you. The on-sale women’s underwear section of Diesel’s website features a few pieces that are see through, minus the sexy. It’s a recession, and Diesel redefines hard and struggling, with cotton molded bras and high-wasted panties. This could be the hit or miss spot for all you non-traditional lingerie lovers. I mean S&M meets stitches and needles. Mid-makeout, you may tear off your clothes, but these Diesels will have to be physically removed: you can have your date put them on and show you function over fashion, fucking over fun! You can wow your honey with buttons and cotton in this androgeneous metro-sexual van-desiel, you the man, I the woman underwear instead.

Yes, instead. If you have some work to do: see-through long-johnesque masculofemme undies are the new rage. And why even go to sleep when you can stay up all night and remodel the house, did I miss a spot? Pass the paint, in a silky nightie with weird logo straps at the top. Way to hold up your tits and cover your legs in thick cotton long johns or boxers, break the floor sans wall in your favorite new babies room, if you ever pro-create. Ok, ok…because your boyfriend, or girlfriend will be totally turned off.

No sex tonight, moment of silence to celebrate durable, and generally reasonably priced construction underwear. In fact, I would say the Diesel underwear section is a great place to go buy some well made, utilitarian pieces, if you are looking for real value. High-waisted briefs with sheer side paneling, buttons up and down both sides of the front panel like a sailor’s uniform, sail away, sail away. Some kind of weird garter type thing going horizontally across the back? Did you see it? I saw it? Sounds like a winner. These would be perfect for that time of of month. Aside from being ugly, there's a brightside: if you are looking for something inexpensive, tight stitching and durable for the naked, around the house duties, grab a drill. If you are feeling a little freaky, put these on to diffuse any pent-up sexual energy and clear your mind, and finally get some around-the-house work done. Period.